Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Wicked Witch of the West

Yesterday morning I was the worst mom in the entire world. I am not sure what got me that way, but there is no denying that I was absolutely horrible to my sweet Kelsey. She is SO SLOW at getting things done in the morning and getting ready for school it drives me crazy! I got on her case BIG TIME yesterday and I was horrible to her. I knew at the time that I was being a bear, but that didn't stop me from acting that way. Just the previous night I read an email from my neighbor who is on a mission about how he is handling sticky and potentially horrible situations with The Spirit and how well things work out. I thought "Yeah, that is what I need to do, let The Spirit guide me and not get so uptight and impatient with my children." It was nice thinking, but I sure wasn't following ANY Spirit yesterday morning!

I won't give any details, but just take my word for it that I was a nasty mom. When she left for school with NO nice words sending her on her way, I just cried and cried. I felt horrible for sending Kelsey out into the big world in the way that I had. I was worried she would have a nasty day and just be so sad about the way things had gone in the morning and the things I had said.

I got in the shower and cried some more and then I decided I needed to do some apologizing. Kelsey makes me little cards ALL the time and so I decided to make her a card. Lots of crayon colors, hearts, the whole works. It said "To my sweet Kelsey, From Mom. I am so sorry. I love you." I took it to her school and without being seen put it right by her backpack and coat (which were flung on the floor so I knew she was late for school - part of the whole traumatic issue) so that she would see it for morning recess. I came home and cried some more and wondered why in the world did I lose my cool and why can't I be more patient when I know I should.
I dried up and had to run to Kings and get some velcro so I decided to see if there was something there that would make her happy, aka, buy her love back. I found the cutest Littlest Pet Shop game and I bought it. I don't normally do this and with Christmas only being a few weeks away it was a rare thing for me, but I had not felt so horrible about myself in years and years.
I started to get nervous when it was time for her to come home from school and I could see other kids riding their bikes home. She walked in the door and I swear I acted like I was 15 again or something! She came in all chipper and happy and said "hello" like nothing had happened and I had not ruined her entire day and I had not blown my nose 18 times all day from getting weepy over my horrible mothering off and on. I greeted her and started to get teary again and I told her I was so sorry for acting so nasty that morning. She got a little smile and said "Thanks for the card mom. It's okay." I am so grateful for unconditional love from my two girls. They are so forgiving and sweet. We had a little talk and then we played the Littlest Pet Shop game for awhile. I still feel horrible about how sharp, uncaring, and mean I was yesterday, but it is long gone for her. Thank goodness.
While I was at Kings, I bought her a $10 alarm clock. We set it last night and when it went off this morning, 20 minutes earlier than normal, she hopped out of bed and we had a super morning. I was not on her case about hurrying and telling her to stop singing or talking and get busy, bla bla bla. It was wonderful. Part of the problem with us being in a hurry in the morning is that I don't wake her up in time. I get up at 6 with Matt, make him eggs and toast, a lunch, send him off at 6:30, get the fire going good again, and then I crawl back into bed. I mean to get back up at 7 or 7:30 so I can wake her up, but my bed feels so good that I don't get up until 7:50 and therefore Kelsey doesn't get up until 7:50 and then it is a mad rush to eat, bath, and get out the door by 8:30. It is mostly my fault, but now that she has her own clock and alarm, this will be better.
I am just grateful that she loves me and it MUCH more understanding and patient than I am.


mom said...

Huggs (((((((Rachel)))))
It will be okay, but I so know how you feel.There were times when I wondered if should have had kids, because my patience level was so bad.
And reading about you crying all day, it ripped my heart, because I know exactly how you felt. I can recall certain instances that kill me and embarress me to remember,,,, but look, you guys STILL love me.
So, the alarm is a great idea,,,,Good luck!
And by the way, you are a great, terrific, wonderful mom,,,,, the best ever!

mom again said...

I gotta add one more thing,,, I watch you and girls sometimes, and I wonder "where in the hell did she get all her patience,it sure was not from me,maybe she is remembering all the mean things her mother did,,,and has decided she will be the nice mother."
I love you Rach,,,, now go dry your tears.

Amanda lee said...

I didn't know I could have tears running down my face this early in the morning...THANKS! You are such a good and loving Mom. I needed to be reminded about a few things for me to work on, lol!

I feel that way so much. Most of the time I often I go to bed at night wondering if I loved them enough or was I patient enough with them and then I find my self going in their rooms at night when they are asleep and just falling in love with them all over agin thinking what they did that made me so angry was nothing to get so upset about. Some days are just rough here in my house. I have sent Thomas to school ( and to bed) the same way you have sent Kelsey and when they come home you just want to hold them forever. Thank you for making me feel normal. I think every Mom has their days. I notice when time is not a problem, I have a lot more patience. I swear it is the time thing and Thomas diddle-dallys ALL MORNING LONG and ALL NIGHT LONG just to get ready for bed:)

Camille said...

Wow- you are a great mother!! I had a day like that on Sunday and now I'm feeling even more guilty that I didn't leave a card for my kids and do something special for them. I think we all have days like this as mothers, but thanks for reminding me of how much better I can do! And I agree, thank goodness for the unconditional love of our kids.

Tori said...

I am guilty of the same thing with both Taylor and Jared. Neither one have any concept of time.
Taylor dilly-dallys with everything she does from eating to making her bed to getting dressed. She gets distracted very easy and it irritates me. Thanks for the reality check.
Love ya

Talbots said...

You just wrote my everyday life story with Ashley and I feel horrible. I normally do feel bad about always being on her coat tails, but now I feel worse than normal. Yes the alarm clock thing works, Aly has one and Ashley is getting one. I definately needed the reality check...Thanks Rach! ( now what to do with poor, poor Ashley?)

Spencer's Adventures said...

I had the same day on Tuesday. I gave my kids and their friend popcorn to be nice, and when I went downstairs, they had had a popcorn war and thrown it all over the room. I was so mad I made Tyler and Abby stay downstairs for two hours until they cleaned up. It still wasn't clean so then I went down to help and I was so upset at being upset at them, I cried forever. That is how Gary found me when he came home from work. I am so tired of crying over things like popcorn. I can handle all the other aspects of pregnancy...except being crazy!!! I am so tired of being crazy. I know how you feel.

Jenn said...

I can totally relate to that aweful feeling of why did I loose it when I know I shouldn't.
It's a good thing those super cute kids are so loving to us hu. I about cried reading about the little card you made her. I'm sure she was so happy to get that at school.

Anonymous said...


In reading your story, it compelled me to question your motives for going to Kings. Was it because you felt bad and wanted to get Kelsey a toy, or was it the fact you were going there in the first place to get the Alarm clock so this situation would NOT happen again. I think knowing your motives in this is crucial to the plot of you blog entry!!

Mark Jones

Sarah said...

Rachel, we love you even though you act just like the rest of us. Your kids know you love them and that is all that matters. Love ya girl,

Anonymous said...

I was so going for the alarm clock, FOR SURE, but the buy back her love with a game didn't hurt either!! Oh yeah, don't forget the VELCRO!


Jenny said...

My boys are getting alarms for Christmas! I too need more patients! Thanks for the reminder to read up on blogs!
I think I was at your house this day! I had no idea, what kind of friend am I?????

Krista said...

Rachel, you are such a good mom. It's evident in the fact that you even thought to take her a card. At night I look at Anna sleeping and think that tomorrow I am going to be a better mom. Thank goodness the love of a child is unconditional and love us for our flaws and all.


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